The Most Important Determinant of Happiness

I am meandering around the empty dinner tables at Acacia Hall when Rebecca calls me on Whatsapp.

I haven’t seen her in a while. Rebecca, apart from being a bit miffed at moving back in with her parents, is her usual bubbly self.

She invites me to her wedding, scheduled in almost a year. I’m caught off guard. I remember her fondly, but we haven’t really kept in touch. It would be exciting, but I’m not sure what I’ll be doing then, so I say I’ll confirm later. She insists that because I’m travelling from so far away, she doesn’t expect a gift. Of course, I think, she’s just being polite.

Only much later do I find out that weddings cost over two hundred dollars per person.

My flight from Ho Chi Minh City to Bangalore is delayed, so I’ll arrive past midnight. I tell Anuj that I will meet him tomorrow morning, instead of him picking me up. Over text, he seems to agree.

At 1:30am, I bump into him by chance outside the arrivals terminal. He has brought a friend and stayed up late to meet me.

He books an Uber for me back to my hotel. He insists on paying. Somehow there’s traffic at Bangalore even after midnight, so we arrive past 3am. He has spent over three hours of his time to save an hour of mine.

I meet Emile’s parents when we arrive in Sion. Virginie is waiting at the train station to pick up Emile and me. She doesn’t speak good English, but her warmth does not need language to express. A towel and handcloth are neatly folded for me in the upstairs bedroom where their daughter usually lives – she’s away, they say, so the timing is convenient.

The night after, Pierre makes me fondue for dinner. Soon, the table is set with white wine and bread and Gruyere cheese. Virginie chops up vegetables because of my last-minute request for a healthier meal. We talk over dinner cordially – I test out the new Voice Mode on ChatGPT and find it can translate in real-time between English and French.

On the last day, Emile drives me to and from Zermatt. He insists on paying for two souvenirs – his parents gave him some money for it, he says, so it’s really no bother. In turn, I try to pay for parking, but he taps his card to pay as I insert mine. He gets there first and flashes me a smile.

We hug when we say goodbye. I say something banal about how nice it was to meet and how I will miss him, but we both know that no words are needed for this moment.

Joel meets me at Zurich Hauptbahnhof at 10pm with his trademark charismatic grin. He has bought breakfast for me for the next day.

On the train, I mention how nice my friends have been to me. From this passing comment, he seems resolved do the same. When we arrive at his place, he tells me to use his bedroom while he sleeps on the couch. He has to get up first anyways, he says, and this way he won’t disturb me.

In his spare time, he shows me around Zurich. A place to get cheap vegetarian food, a place to swim in the Limmat River, a nightclub he likes. He sleeps for less than 7 hours on the nights I’m there. We climb up Uetliberg with his housemate Chiara at dusk; he makes a funny face as Chiara takes a portrait of us with all of Zurich in the background.

I should’ve given him another gift. Next time, I’ll make up for it.

I meet up with Evelina, Naomi and Junee in Lund before we head to Rebecca’s wedding. Evelina organizes a barbeque while we’re there and introduces us to her friends. Afterwards, Junee asks me to clean up the grill. But when I head back, I knock on the door and it’s locked – it’s a while before someone opens it.

The room is dark; only a weak light radiates from a few candles in the room. They are on a cake. Evelina, Junee and Naomi start singing Happy Birthday.

I am blindsided. The night before, they already stayed up until midnight to sing happy birthday to me – Evelina in Swedish, Naomi in Spanish, Junee in Korean. I told them about it only yesterday precisely so they didn’t have to worry about it and had expected nothing more.

That Sunday after the wedding, Evelina and I head back to her place. She’s exhausted from insufficient sleep, but agreed to host me for an extra night regardless. We manage to sleep early, but not as early as she intended, and she wakes up early to say goodbye as I head to Stockholm.

Off the cuff, I told her I was surprised that she was only now starting to date; people like her don’t stay single for long. She thanked me for the compliment, but I meant it.

I suspect what I’ll remember most deeply, even more so than the sights, are the times I spent with others. The times I spent with people who showed me what friendship looks like, and what it means to care.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development showed that the most important determinant of human happiness is the closeness of your relationships with others. Never before has this made so much sense to me. The days when I was happiest were spent with people who made me feel valued or cared for.

I went on this trip, first and foremost, to see my friends. They were what set my itinerary for these precious weeks. And I’m so glad I did.

They are what friendship means to me. People who I would fly halfway across the world to meet.